It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
