Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
