we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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