So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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