I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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