I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
