I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
