Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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