It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i now understand why vodka
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