He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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