my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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