And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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