i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize