a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
there is glitter all over my balls
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