Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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