wrigley field is MILF paradise
so that wasnt chicken after all
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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