i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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