Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
