Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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