I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
