It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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