I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
