I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
