Can i not drive my cunt home
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
