idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
