the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
