I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
