I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
