Jerry, you need to find god
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
