I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
