Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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