So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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