Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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