I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
