I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
