its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
