i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
