i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
