Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
