My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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