Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
