I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
