so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
