Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
