she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
