John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
