I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
