I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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