Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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