Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
