I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
