Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am one with the molecules
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
