please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
