seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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