I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
