at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am available for nakedness
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
