We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
