Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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