After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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