We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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