Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
