I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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