p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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