How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
did i just pee glitter
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
