I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
