i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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