I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
