Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
