so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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