Cold hands, warm shart.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
